Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I now know much more history about Argentina, lots of specifics about customs, and tons of vocabulary that I have never picked up in the months that I have been living here. Bueno, entonces…you are very close to my heart. Or should I say…were close to my heart?

Okay, spoiler alert. Do not read further if you haven’t finished the Bueno, entonces…series.

First of all, Bueno, entonces…production, I am not sure how much I love you anymore, after seeing Episode #30. I mean, talk about leaving us hanging. Cruel!

Second of all, you need to finish level two. At least with True Blood, I know that it will start up again in two months. This whole open-ended thing is downright malicious.

Okay, so this is how Episode #30 goes down, más o menos. Today is David’s repaso, and the Bueno, entonces…crew is at her house partying while David talks to his family on the computer. He is also waiting for Mariana to arrive. Well, she was supposed to arrive over 40 minutes ago, but she hasn’t gotten there yet. David thinks that she stood him up.

Jimena knows, however, that Argentine girls make the guys wait—about forty minutes to an hour. While David is doing something, Caroline comes into the room, and they discuss the fact that basically Jimena has 10 minutes to invite David to dinner—like, on a date—before Mariana gets there.

WHAT?! Okay, not to get all Gossip Girl on you, but…this is pretty massive. After eating, breathing, and sleeping David and Jimena for the past month, them getting together would be colossal.

The suspense kills you. Jimena is being so painfully passive “Bueno, si, tengo ganas de salir. Que vas a hacer, David? Quizás voy a salir, talvez encontrarme con un amigo…” blah blah blah, woman, get to the point!

Finally, she and David decide to go out and meet one another for dinner—at this point, Jimena is quite anxious, as time is running out. We even get to hear her speak (and swear) in English. It is fabulous!

So, they are about to hang up and meet one another….and the doorbell rings.

…

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. That is what we are left with.

Is there a pre-order for level two?

Well, I was right, something DID happen between Jimena and Martín. Se rompieron! The palta left her. Of course, David is shocked, stunned, almost speechless—almost. In they end they agree that it is una buena cosa para Jimena, un paso importante en su vida.

I think something is going to haaaaapppeeeennnnn (!!!!)

So, that’s exciting. Screw True Blood Season finale, I’m all about the Bueno, entonces…big shabang.

Anyway, we learn about Nahuelito, the sea monster in Patagonia. It has the –ito included because it is small, unlike Nessi. Entonces, los argentinos no tienen un Nessi, pero tienen Messi…que también es chiquito. Pero poderoso, el chiquitín. (I just love that word, chiquitín!)

Then Jimena asks what David likes to do on his vacaciones. He liked to go bowling, nadar con antiparras and go snorkeling with his…esnorquel. We talk about traveling in trén, avion, micro, delfín. Yes, David once was on a dolphin’s back and he said that pensamos que el piel es como plástico, pero realmente es como una alfombra. Hm, interesante.

We finish with David giving Jimena relationship advice. Basically, he says that she needs to meditar and then choose David. End of story.

Can’t stop now…time for Bueno, entonces… #30!

Episode #28 of Bueno, entonces…starts out with David letting us know that his father was able to reconquistar his mom! Hooray!

They went out to a restaurante intimo and then spent a night in the Hyatt Hotel. Hey, if my husband flew across the Atlantic, took me out to an intimate dinner and then had reservations ready at the Hyatt, I’d be swept off my feet, too.

So, David was pleased, to say the least—in addition to his parents getting back together, he got the house all to himself and was able to caminar por la casa totalmente desnudo. And, obviously, anything involving nudity is a treat for David.

After a little outburst from Jimena (we’ll get to that later) we learn about different types of alojamiento, or lodging. We have hotel, hostal (remember, silent ‘h’!), and hosteria (inn), albergue juvenil (youth hostel), cabaña, y habitaciones en casa de familia. We also learn words like cama doble, cama matrimonial, sábanas, media pension, pension completa, pileta, gimnasio, baño privado, baño compartido, etc.

We then get into a little role play action, where David uses his vocabulario de alojamiento to call Jimena, who works for the hotel. She takes down the reservation, and then…well, sort of stumbles when David said the reserva was in the name of ‘David and Mariana’. David says that she is celosa, and she doesn’t exactly come out and say that she isn’t. Hmmm..

Bueno, during the last class, Jimena brought some torta for David to try and he said it was delicious. Jimena didn’t believe him, and when David brought up her cooking during this class, she flipped. Really, really sensitive in that department apparently. She even told Martin that he can andá a cagar…which is a pretty strong term for sweet Jimena to say.

I’m intrigued and I think I need to find out what happens ya! I see a Bueno, entonces…marathon in the very near future.

David started his kamasutra class—apparently he’s a natural. He already knows everything they are teaching. He’s a profesional en la cama, and Mariana dice todas mentiras.

Okay, David.

Jimena talks about her cooking class as well, and she is not afraid to admit that she still has a lot to learn. David suggests that they get together and have una clase de comida afrodíasca. Jimena humors him and says no es una mala idea. But, she seems sort of down today. Qué pasa Jimena?

Well, está cansada. Jimena is super type-A and was up all night arranging her muebles. From here we segway into learning about the ambientes de la casa, muebles and the adjetivos we use to describe muebles.

Por ejemplo: el sillón es mollido (the sofa is springy), está silla es de diseño (this chair is designer), la cama está rota (the bed is broken), la mesa falta una pata (the table is missing a leg), etc. Oh yeah, and apparently a coffee table is called a mesa ratona, which is weird because raton is a big rat. Who knew?

After learning about indefinite and definite articles, Jimena decides to study the Spanish vocabulary for furniture. “What, no game?” says David. “Bueno, a ver…” says Jimena. “I have an idea,” says David. “How about we say if we’ve ever done cosas intimas in any of the muebles?” “Um, ok,” says Jimena.

It’s a very interesting and inappropriate game, in true Bueno, entonces… fashion. Obvio.

We end the class with talking the “tener que…” phrases and then about conchas…of oysters, that is. Concha is a slang term for female genitalia, more like an insult,(something tells me that one doesn’t think learn about this in Rosetta Stone) but it is also a word for shell. So, cuidado con esa palabra. Unless you’re David, in which case you not only use it, but you use it with énfasis—during this lesson, anyway. He tells Jimena that you have to smash the concha of the ostra, and the creature runs out and dies. Then you have to have sex in the spot where it died or you will never have babies.

Mmm..okay, David.

David comes to his Bueno, entonces…Spanish lesson in a significantly better mood. His father is coming back to reconquistar his mother. No way is he letting this Argentine tango nene steal his mujer!

Jimena is also planning to get back Martín, and David wants to win over Mariana once more. This is where the vocabulario de romance es muy importante. Here are some phrases we learn: te amo, te necesito, te quiero, la quiero, me gusta darte besos, tengo ganas de hacerte mimos (cuddles). Hacerte mimos is without a doubt the cutest Spanish phrase I’ve ever heard. Sounds like something an e-wok would say.

We also learn some useful Spanish phrases that I’ve heard over and over again here in BA: llevar a cabo un plan estratégico (to carry out a strategic plan), darse cuenta de la verdad (discover the truth), me sé la historia de memoria (I know the story by memory), no voy a dar vueltas—mejor ir al grano (I’m not going to run around in circles—get to the point), cuidado con meter la pata (careful with screwing it up), te salvaste por un pelo (you were saved by a hair).

Lastly, we learn a semi-new verb tense. Now, there are two forms of future tenses—the one where you conjugate the verb itself (i.e. iré) and then the voy+a+infinitivo. The second is much easier, and bonus, more widely used. Love it when those two go hand-in-hand.

So, to reconquistar los amores, Jimena va a tomar clases de cocina y David va a tomar clases de kamasutra. Jimena asks David, “Querés enganchar otra vez Marianita? Dale un toque, y si no pica, a otra cosa mariposa.” (Ok David, you want to hook Marianita again? Give her a call [literally translated, a touch] and if she doesn’t pick/bite, move on to another butterfuly). A phrase I’ve heard over and over again here, interestingly enough.

Stay tuned!

Saturday repaso time!

Bueno, entonces…is getting a bit more interesting. David followed (verb seguir) his mother and the nene to Mendoza AND Jimena followed her boyfriend to the mall. Yes, Jimena, the one who is supposed to be the more sane of the two.

Guess David finally got to her.

So, most of today is a repaso, we but also learn how to expresar opiniones: para mi, en mi opinión, creo que, pienso que, estoy de acuerdo, no estoy de acuerdo, estoy en desacuerdo, me parece bien, nada que ver, no creo que, me parece bien (Ojo con el subjuntivo!)

We also learned a cheating phrase! “Te mete los cuernos” which means to put horns in you. Yeah, sounded sort of sexual to me, too, but apparently its just for cheating. I’ve seen people do the horn expression here before, but I’m not sure about the story behind it…looks like I have a new research project.

In the end, Jimena sees that Martín is eating a ton of food in the food court at the mall: pancho, papas fritas, y pizza. But, I just left him a huge lunch on the table, she says. He never eats what she leaves for him, she says. She and David come to the conclusion that he is making up these lies and sneaking around because Jimena is a terrible Cook. Engañado con un pancho.

Ouch.

How was David’s excursión? Unfortunately, there were no epiphanies or new discoveries…maybe in the next episode we’ll find out that they’re not lovers, but that she adopted him? Less perverse, and David would have a new Argentine hermano!

We’ll see.

Her tango partner, a much younger Argentine, has apparently “fallen in love” (with her money) and now the two are going away to Mendoza.

David is pretty worried, because the boy is a nene (or baby) and David’s mother is paying for the pasajes y todo. Appropriately, we learn all about travel vocabulary during this episode.

The coolest part about this Bueno, entonces… episode is that I could upload it to my iPhone and I was able to learn about transportation while I was taking public transportation. Doesn’t get much better than that! I love that it is so portable because I am able to do my Spanish lessons anytime, anywhere. I don’t need a computer or book or anything, and honestly, on these nice spring days in BA, who wants to stay inside?

Anyway, we learn about buying tickets (ida and vuelta), different forms of transportation(micro, colectivo, avion, bote, yate), the different kinds of buses (colectivo, which is a city bus, and micro, which is a bus that goes to other cities), how to ask for an aisle seat or Windows seat (pasillo o ventanilla), and the different levels of accommodation on the buses (ejecutivo, semi-cama, and cama).

While Argentina is a very long country from north to south, most people still take the buses. Why? Well, first of all, the plane tickets are generally quite expensive. Secondly, buses ROCK! I took a bus once down to Bariloche (semi-cama) and the seats recline, the bus is smooth (no carsickness), and you get wine AND champagne with your dinner. Granted, the ride is about 18 hours, but it is a very comfortable 18 hours. Argentines know how to do it.

I hope David’s mother is okay in the end, and that the nene tango dancer doesn’t screw her over.

Guess we’ll find out in the next episode.

In this episode of Bueno, entonces…we learn all about the vocabulario de los trámites. Now, trámites is the word for any sort of bureaucratic process—and here in Buenos Aires, it is SUPER NECESARIO to know these words. Trámites are everywhere.

In true Bueno, entonces…fashion, we have a really funny/perverse way of learning this terms. How so, you ask? Bueno….

David has been having a rough time. First the problems with his mother, then the crappy telo with Mariana, and now he has had quite the traumatic experience in the bank. Pobrecito.

Entonces, que pasó? Well, David needed to sacar dinero del cajero (take money out of the ATM), and he got into a bit of trouble. Apparently, cuando estaba en la cola (when he was in line) he answered a phone call from Mariana. Bueno, no podes hablar por teléfono en el banco. Well, David didn’t know this, and the policeman yells at him. David, being the pompus he is, waves his hand in the policeman’s face. Why? Who the hell knows. David is then confused by the cajero, porque dice ‘hace esto, hace esto’ and pobre David is lost. El se dio vuelta (he turned around) and accidentally takes the money from the person behind him, who happens to be a travesti (transvestite). This travesti apparently has tetas the size of pelotas de basket (important detail) and smacks David in the cara. David falls and grabs algo…this algo being one of the tetas of the travesti. Well, it…comes out…sort of, according to David (we are not given very good details.) Then, the cajero come la tarjeta de David. THEN, the policeman throws David into the calle, and he accidentally puts his phone on the speakerphone setting, right as Mariana está diciendo que el es malo en la cama.

Brutal.

Bueno, being the super on-task teacher she is, Jimena sees this story as an opportunity for David to learn about trámites and gerundios.

Como ya les dije arriba, trámites are terrible processes that generally take forever and make no sense at all. Fabulous, no? Well, besides words like ‘quilombo’ ‘jodido’ ‘mierda’ ‘boludo’ and so on (mainly used in migraciones), there are other more acceptable phrases that we use when discussing trámites; in this case, ones that take place at the bank (hopefully these make more sense than the ones at migraciones).

After this vocab lesson, we learn about gerundios, or progressive actions. These have a pretty basic structure: estar + verbo +iendo/ando/indo. These endings change depending on the verb, and are really useful when telling stories or, well, talking about a progressive action.

Anyway, I hope David gets better, but I can’t really hope for much. He’s pretty much a magnet for sketch situations. Pobre.

David’s night in the telo fue una desastre.

“¿Por qué?” asks Jimena.

…

Well, David doesn’t really know how to describe exactamente porque, so Jimena teaches him some adjetivos de vivienda. We first learn the basics, like chico and grande, and then we go on to learn diminuto (tiny), gigante (gigantic), nuevo (new), antiguo (old), pesada (heavy), liviana (light), and then we move on to some cool ones, like estrecho (narrow) da a la calle (gives to the street, or looks onto the street), puerta corrediza (sliding door). These are very useful Spanish phrases when looking for a place down here, which yours truly is currently in the process of doing. While Tarzan speak and charades can generally get the point across, knowing the vocab saves you a bit of embarrassment.

Oh right, we learned that vocab so David could describe his night. Well, David’s night was terrible because el cuarto es muy diminuto, las paredes son muy finitas, y hay un sillón con forma rara que es muy incomodo. He sat on this sillón with Mariana y se cayeron. Ouch.

We move on to learn that David is a desubicado, or an appropriate person. He’s also grosero. Two new vocab words that are going right into Tara’s Argentine Urban Dictionary.

After having the conversation that sparked the ‘desubicado’ comment (something to do with a long, hard, plastic thing that gives you pleasure) Jimena and David talk about the whole renting process here. The garantia, por ejemplo, is really hard for foreigners to get in Argentina, so that is why we pay ridiculous prices (hooray!). I love that Bueno, entonces… mentions this, as it is something that foreigners will certainly encounter in their travels. It’s a breath of fresh air–generally, online Spanish courses will teach you Spanish, but that’s where it ends. To know the ins and outs of living abroad (well, Buenos Aires, in this case) is just as crucial, if not more, than learning the language.